What About The Past?
by Maeve Donovan
Summary: Hotch gives Ashley some disterbing news that came from Strauss. Spencer Reid/Ashley Seaver romance. Please read and review! This is a Romance/Hurt/Comfort and Friendship story, but they only allow two Genres, that is why it is only listed as Hurt/Comfort and Romance. Ashley's POV for the first chapter.


A/N: on almost all my stories these auther notes are incrdibly long, this one is different, its not going to be long. All I'm going to do is tell you that this story came to me while having to talk about my 'father' Thank you for reading this I hope you enjoy this story.

-SMTK

Summery: Hotch tells Ashley that to maintain her postion on the team that she must talk to her dad to put her mind at ease. Ashley is reluctant to do so.

* * *

Ashley's POV

I walk into the BAU. Agent Hotchner and Agent Rossi walk over to me, Agent Rossi is the first to speak, "Agent Trainee Seaver." I wish they would just call me Seaver or Ashley, anything would be better then 'Agent Trainee Seaver'

"Agent Rossi, Agent Hotchner." I nod a 'hello'

"We've got some bad-" Agent Rossi starts

"Strauss wants you to visit your father in prison." Agent Hotchner interrupted

I frown some, "I've never visited him, or-"

"Or written him a letter in response to his letters, we know." Agent Hotchner said

"Strauss thinks that if you talk to him you'll get some kind of closure." Agent Rossi said

I shook my head, "I can't talk to him...I wouldn't know how, the last time I saw him I was 16."

* * *

I thought about it for a few days, until Chief Strauss told me that if I don't talk to him that I'll be kicked off the team. I don't want to be kicked off the team, so that's what brought me to lay on my couch and think about what I would say to him, my father, tomorrow when I visit him. I was so deep in my thoughts that I nearly jumped out of my skin when someone knocked on the door to my apartment. I got up and walked over to the door and looked through the peep-hole. I'm suprized by who I see, Spencer Reid. SSA Dr. Spencer Reid to be formal. I opened my door, "Agent Reid." I said, trying to keep the suprize out of my voice.

Spencer smiled at me, "Hi...Seaver, I, uh, heard about you having to speak to, uh."

"My father? Yeah." I said with a sigh.

Spencer nodded, "Mind if I come in?"

"No, course not," I moved so he could step in.

Spencer stepped in and I closed the door, "If you need some one to talk to, I know I probably don't understand the predicament you're in, but I thought if you needed a friend, or, uh.."

I smiled, "Thank you."

Spencer smiled, "Whenever you need some one to talk to, I'm there."

"Come sit down, please."

Spencer nodded and followed me to the couch.

We talk for what seemed like only a few minutes, but it turned out to be hours. He made me laugh until my stomach hurt, which was rare, any type of laughing for me was rare.

"Look at the time, we've been talking for hours." Spencer said, chuckling.

I yawn, "What? It only seemed like an hour, tops."

"You seem tired..." Spencer started, "I should probably go so you can get some sleep, you've got a big day tomorrow."

I groan, "Don't remind me, please."

"There's nothing wrong with loving him." Spencer said suddenly, it was soft but sudden

"What do you mean?"

"Even though he did what he did, you don't have to stop loving him, he still is your dad and he always will be, he's part of you," Spencer started to list

"Please, stop."

"Ashley, you can't just say he's not your father."

"I never do!" I almost yelled at him.

Spencer looked shocked

"I'm sorry, I just...I really don't want to talk about it."

"I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry I yelled." I said

"I should go." Spencer said, starting to get up

"Please don't go."

Spencer looked at me a moment as he sat back down.

"I'm really sorry I yelled."

"You're tired and I had no right to say what I said."

"Its not that, its just that you're right and I don't have to stop loving him," I admitted.

Spencer nodded some, "You should get some sleep, you can call me after you talk to him tomorrow if you want, you don't have to though." he got up again

I nodded quietly.

Spencer found his way out of my apartment, I fell asleep after he left.

* * *

The next day I woke up with a pain in my head and my back ached. I got up and got dressed, I put a pair of blue jeans on, a white t-shit, and a Navy blue jacket on, I was wearing my everyday tennis shoes. Chief Strauss had Agent Hotchner escort me to the prison.

I was sitting in the room facing a wall when they brought him in.

"Ashley?" his voice sounded older then what it was the last time we spoke, I figured it would, its been 11 years. 11 years since he was arrested. 21 years since he started killing, or I should say 21 years since the first victim that was found was killed. I don't really know if that was really his first victim.

"Hello." I said to him, not looking at him, just looking straight ahead.

"How have you been?" he asked as he sat in front of me, he looked the same except older, his hair grayed, he gained a few more wrinkles.

"I've been fine." I answered

"What brings you here? You haven't visited, wrote, nothing."

"My job is what brings me here."

He nodded, "What job might that be?"

"Does it matter?"

"I guess not."

I didn't know what to say after that.

"You let your hair go long, it looks nice."

"Thank you."

"I'll never forget the time you cut it yourself, you were what? 14?" he chuckled.

"15." I answered

He sighed and nodded, "15, right."

I stood up, "I have to go."

"Ashley, wait."

I stopped, almost at the door.

"Would it be too much to ask that you wrote a letter once in a while?"

"I'll try."

"And when I die, whenever it may be, you give the eulogy?"

"No one else would."

"So you will?"

I didn't answer, just walked out.

Agent Hotchner looked at me, "That was quick."

"I have nothing to say to him." I said, not stopping or slowing my pace.

* * *

After we got out of the prison and Agent Hotchner dropped me off I called Spencer.

"Reid." he answered

"I just got done talking to him, I'm at my apartment now, I was wondering if you might want to have dinner with me."

"Um...sure."

"If you don't want to-" I started

"I'll call you back in a bit," Spencer said quickly

"Who was that, Pretty Boy?" I heard Agent Morgan's voice ask

"Alright, talk to you later." I said, understanding why he didn't sound enthused with the idea of having dinner with me. I hung up the phone and started to clean my apartment, even though it wasn't dirty, cleaning and sorting always seemed to calm me.

* * *

Spencer called me back at about seven in the afternoon, I was sitting in the middle of a disaster area which was previously my living room, so I tripped a few times, almost falling on my butt, but I was able to keep upright. I had answered my phone just in time and we talked for a few minutes then I asked if he still wanted to have dinner and that I would cook. He said yes so I quickly cleaned up and started to cook a simple meal.

We ate and talked about different things. We, again, talked for a long time, well past dinner. We had moved to the living room and sat on the couch talking, then he looked at his watch.

"I should go," Spencer said with a sigh, "Its getting late and I barely made it to work on time today."

I nodded, though I wanted him to stay.

He stood up and I stood up with him, "Thank you." I said.

"For what?"

"For talking with me, being nice to me, having dinner with me."

"Thank you for letting me."

I frowned in confusion.

"You didn't have to let me in, you did, we both made a friend because you let me in."

I smiled some, only somewhat understanding what he meant, I hugged him, then admediately thought I went to far until he hugged me back, then left.

I locked the door behind him and went to my room, took off my shoes and jacket then just climbed into bed, not bothering to change out of my jeans or shirt, I didn't fall asleep as soon as I would have liked to, but I advntually fell asleep.

* * *

The next day I woke up, changed, and went to work.

Everyone looked at me with the type of expressions that told me something was wrong, even if I wasn't a skilled, seasoned profiler, I knew that look, and I knew I might not like what I was about to hear.

"Your father was killed last night." Agent Hotchner told me.

I was shocked and it felt like I had been hit.

"He was killed by another inmate." Agent Morgan said

"Did he say anything to you?" Chief Strauss asked, "when you talked to him?"

"He asked if I'd speak at his funeral..." Ashley started

"Did he mentioned anything about some one on the inside wanting him dead?" Chief Strauss asked

"No."

"Are you sure?" Agent Hotchner asked

"He just asked if I would speak at his funeral when he died, he brought up a few things from the past." I said, frowning, it was a lot to take in and they weren't being exactly comforting about it.

"Guys, she just lost her dad-" Agent Prentiss started

"I lost him 11 years ago." I interjected, "its just now he's dead." I was trying to be tough about this but for some reason I felt guilty for not writing him or going to visit him.

Chief Strauss and Agent Hotchner both nodded.

"Can I take a few minutes and go for a quick walk?" I asked Chief Strauss and Agent Hotchner, not knowing where it came from, I wasn't planning on asking it or even saying anything else unless some one asked me something.

Chief Strauss nodded once, "Go ahead."

"Thank you." I said and walked out of the BAU, then the building, I had to get out of here, I had to get away, I needed time to process everything, to go through the letters he sent and I never opened to see if I knew who might want him dead. Well, I knew that, the answer was a lot of people. My mind was racing at a million miles a minute and I started to run. I ran, and ran, until I reached a park, I was far enough away from anyone so I collapsed next to a tree and took deep breaths. Willing myself not to cry. I continued to gasp and chock on sobs and tears I wouldn't let out until I heard a distant yell and for some reason I listened to it.

"Ashley!" some one, no, not some one, him. Spencer Reid. He was yelling my name, coming to talk to me, "Ashley!" he yelled again, getting closer, "Ashley." he said in relieve, talking now, he was close enough, he ran over and stood a few feet in front of me, he bent over to see my face, "You okay?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine." I answered quietly, trying not to let him see how I felt.

"You need to talk?"

I silently nodded.

He sat down next to me and, I don't know why, but I guessed I looked pretty bad or sad or hurt, but he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him, "Its okay to cry." he whispered. I knew I didn't need permission to cry, but after he said that it felt easier to cry, to let my sadness show. I started to cry softly.

"I should've went to visit him, or at least write to him, I-I..." I barely chocked out.

Spencer rubbed my back, "You were hurt, you didn't know how to go on with knowing what he did and so you shut him out, its natural."

"He was my dad..." I murmured through my tears.

Spencer rubbed my back and gently sush me and he let me cry.

He held me until I was done crying and then for a little while after that. Then after I was done crying I pulled out of his arms and wiped my cheeks, "I'm sorry." I said in a quiet whisper.

"Its okay." Spencer said softly.

I managed to smile a small, sad smile, "Thank you."

"For what now?" he asked softly

"For being my friend."

"You don't have to thank me for that."

I smiled a little more and nodded.

"I think we should get you home, you need rest."

I shook my head, "I need to go back to work." I said before noticing the time, the sun was setting and it was starting to get cold.

"Ah...Ashley..." Spencer started

"Damn it, I'm in trouble now, I'm sorry." I started

"Hotch suggested that you take the day off, Strauss agreed and both told me to come talk to you." Spencer said softly

I smiled some, glad they let Spencer come talk to me, I shivered slightly from the cold and Spencer wrapped his arm around me, "My car is close." he said softly.

He drove me home and walked me to my apartment, "Thank you, again." I said softly

"Stop thanking me," Spencer said softly, "you don't need to thank me."

I nodded, "Okay."

He gently hugged me, then I went into my apartment as he walked away.

Like the night before, I took off my shoes and jacket then just climbed into bed, I pulled the blankets around me and turned on the radio, trying to calm myself down enough to fall asleep. I adventually fell asleep around midnight.

* * *

_I was standing in a forest, I don't remember getting there or even waking up, I start to run away from something. Someone, I don't know who or why I'm running. I feel terrified. I run and run, then I hear a gunshot._

I gasped as I woke up, I start to pant, and quickly look around, "Just a bad dream, just a bad dream." I told myself as I rubbed my forehead. I took a few deep breaths and looked at my clock, 3:01 AM. "Great." I muttered, knowing it would take awhile to fall back asleep.

I somehow fell asleep and when I woke it was 6:19 AM. I had 51 minutes to get ready and go to work.

I mostly did paperwork, but the day went by pretty quickly.

* * *

It didn't take much to plan my father's funeral. And the day of the funeral, I spoke like he wanted.

"As children, we don't know of our parents' sins, we think of them as our heroes. Our protectors. We don't see them as them, we see them as our moms and dads, the ones that are supposedly prefect. Then we get older, we start to see what they have done, who thy really are, what they really do. Sometimes we can't forgive them, or we don't want to, or we don't think we should. They are still our parents, they are the ones who made us who we are as adults. I can't forgive what my father has done to others because its not my place. I love my dad, I always have, I always will."

After the eulogy, Spencer took me out for a drink, which I really needed, or wanted. Then he drove me home. Its been a week since he first came to my apartment and talked to me.

"I only had one drink." I said.

"I wanted to make sure you got home safely." Spencer told me.

I smiled as I unlocked my apartment door.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Spencer said

"Wait, can you stay...for a little while?" I asked

Spencer smiled and nods, "Of course I can."

I smiled and let him into my apartment, after I closed the door I kissed him. I hoped he wouldn't pull back and be mad, and was relieved when he kissed me back.

* * *

**What did you think? Should I continue? Please Review!**


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